The difficulty in being GOD

We humans always tend to ask GOD, why is he so unfair to us all the time, why hasn’t he given us all the things that we wished to have and prayed to him for, and so on, the list goes on. There are some of us who are already grateful to him for what we have and like to thank him for having given us far more than what we deserve.

But have we ever wondered how difficult a job it is to be sitting in the hot seat of ‘The GOD’? He has so many choices for every decision he takes. So many suggestions, requests and recommendations keep pouring in into his office day and night from different corners of the world and he still has to make a decision without being logically wrong, without having to lose his fanfare and more importantly, still providing a point of view that convinces us that his decision was right and the best that could have been pronounced in the given context.

The God has millions of people communicating (praying) with him every moment from different parts of the world asking more or less for the same things and this poor fellow god has to use some random matrix to figure out who out of the current devotee’s should get a wish fulfilled now. For instance at any average moment most of the people who are praying are asking the god for one of these things more often than not.

Happiness (for themselves and their near and dear ones)

Money (or other material things that could be pursued using that money)

Good Health (their own or of some one who isn’t doing well)

Success (last but not the least, be it in terms of business, exams or any other field)

Now the trouble that god is put into in such a situation is by the fact that the population of the world has quadrupled and he has a limited supply of all these things with him at any given point in time. Therefore he uses some complex matrix to figure out how to deal with the current set of prayers and starts by looking at certain basic factors and parameters to take care of the difficult situation.

• He compares and contrasts the level of devotion each of his followers has and based on that he decides who among them would get the desired.
• The next factor that he considers is, who among them has higher patience levels, and so he fulfills the wish of the one whose patience levels are low as he knows the other guys can still persevere.
• He then also considers other factors like, when was the last time he fulfilled a wish of the people in question and so he checks the record books to compare and contrast the details of the wishes fulfilled of the people in consideration.
• Then he looks at the quantum & the kind of wish this time and how eligible is the person to get the desired this time around.
• And then he actually has to refer to his world planner and zoom it to that particular persons position on something like a Google map with a human view, to see, what is that he had actually planned for the person. And then he has to decide whether he would like to change the plan to suit the current prayer of the person or would he still like to continue with the original plan that he had charted out for the person, also depending on other prayers that have connection with the person’s prayer.

This is just a sneak peek into the kind of trouble we humans put god into through our daily prayers and wishes. This is just a partial list of things he has to go through to consider each of our prayers, after also carefully considering the quantum of offerings (bribe in form of nariyals, prasad and cash) we provide every time we pray. That’s why I guess there is a saying in hindi that goes on as “tum ek paisa doge, who das lakh dega” (if you give 1 paise, he will give you ten lakhs) and so we humans pursue the so called donation ritual with or without genuine interest, as this one statement really drives us hard into committing this holy offense (bribery). But what else is the choice that the poor god has, he needs some metric to measure your devotion and reliance on him and this bribery is just one of the small insignificant ways of measuring the same amidst the gigantic difficulties we have put him into, to decide and dictate the course through which every individual has to go through.

If by now, you have understood to an extent, how all your prayers are summing up as a massive problem for god, leading to him, not being able to focus on basic day to day activities and the well being of all the living beings. And how, he instead has to spend so much additional time on attending to all your prayers. And planning to change the course of action if need be depending on the real time data available to him through such prayers and offerings.

Kindly be kind to him and limit your prayers only to very essential things so that you help reducing the ever building pressure on him to perform and you rather let him continue his usual activities for the general welfare of the average living being. So instead of being self centered always and spending all time praying for yourself, seeking all of gods attention, think of rest of the world too, you meany!

P.S – This obviously is in continuation to the periodic god bashing I have been indulging in, looking at things in a rather naïve way and putting them across with certain subtleties which should be taken light heartedly rather than thinking of them as offensive statements or remarks. Most of the things stated above are facts of life, looked at from a different angle all together. Hope, you chuckled at least ones, even if you are furious at me at the end of it!

Today’s Favorite Line – You can't always get what you want. But if you try sometimes, you might find, you get what you need. - Rolling Stones

Today’s Favorite Song – Koi Kahe, Kehta Rahe (Dil Chahta Hai)

The Gods Must Be Crazy

If you were a conscious middle class consumer or if you have attended a marketing course, you would have realized that we in India have more car brands than say tooth paste brands, though the fact is that there are more people in the country who must be using a tooth paste than the number of people who buy/ travel in a car. Now if this fact has come to you as a surprise, then you'll be astonished to realize the fact that we in India have far more number of GOD brands than any other product or commodity brands and obviously so because the customer base is huge, in fact the largest in this category.

Just start counting the number of gods small or big you pray to, on an average on any given day. I won't be surprised even if you come up with a number that's greater than a dozen. The product god is the most carefully studied, researched and delivered product, or is it? The number of brands of this product must be running in hundreds and in fact certain brands have their own extensions and sub categories. Still there is hardly any cannibalization, actually there is no fear of cannibalization as multiple units/ brands can be used at any point in time, so margins might not really get affected much unless and until there is a huge let down by a brand. And in fact every now and then a lot of new brands are being launched in some part of the country or other. Some reach the masses quickly; others take a little time while certain others prefer to remain in their own territory. Starting a new brand is quite easy as no mega budget is required, just a 2 by 2 feet space and a trick or two would do to get started with. Expansions can be taken care of later as per market conditions and demand, and a large land shall be acquired to open a super center just like Wal-Mart does.

A lot of marketing and business gurus must have been boasting about their discovery of the concepts of segmentation and product family and so on, but they have failed to realize that the gods had (I know that the product god is a man made one, still I would like to stick to god being his own creator in this context) already very consciously done their human study and home work. They had already categorized each one amongst themselves as per their advanced market study, for instance they gave Goddess Lakshmi the money market, and Goddess Saraswati the education industry, lord ram the general welfare and so on. If someone really wants to understand and study supply chain management and channel management, they should take this product as a case study. In India there's no other product which enjoys such kind of a reach, they have multiple centers in every street, in fact they are connected from door to door in every home that too without using social media or a 3G network, not even a discount sale ever! Just some freebies on a regular basis do the trick. Their treasury is the wealthiest one in the world, be it recession or inflation they are always secure, they have hedged all their risk and have no down side loss, they have most prompt payment rate as well, their repayment rate is even higher than that of Grameen Bank.

They get paid in billions on a daily basis for the one and only service rendered by them - HOPE. Quite a price to pay for that four lettered service I guess. We are glad to see the product doing so well, as it can be used for various fund raising and research activities. In fact when the whole world is out of business and unemployed, that's when their demand is at its all time high and the bank balance of all these brands touch new highs. And yet god doesn't give a discount during inflationary periods even after earning extra ordinary returns during other times. I guess like all other products even god is always looking at maximizing their EBITDA and PAT.

Product design and Packaging are key elements of any product or brands success apart from its functionality and other attributes. The product ‘God’ has been designed and packed in a really innovative way across brands that each one stands out for its own specific design. For instance Lord Ganesha has been given a designer nose where as Lord Hanumans mouth does the trick for him. In fact most of these gods have various add ons or applications built in with them in terms of a creature or an instrument, like Lord Krishna has his Chakra that he can spin around as and when he likes, while Jesus has been given a designer cross to rest his back on in a stylish way, and certain goddesses have been given the liberty to use animals as their couch. Each of them have their own customized dress code and accessories specially designed using finest material available. I am just wondering, if they had annual awards ceremony, who would they honor in different categories and who would be in the jury?

The gods must have had a real eureka moment when they thought about entering the human market to provide their services, how would they have known this industry would flourish as much as it is doing in India today? They are a big failure in China, as 90% of the Chinese don't have a religion. The gods must have really gotten crazy while trying to create the blue ocean strategy for the world’s second most populous country and you bet, they have been doing a great job so far, it’s the wealthiest industry in the world today and hopefully will remain so for a long long time. Amen

P.S. - Obviously the title has been inspired by the movie. I do look at the concept of God more firmly as a product than anything else, so most of the things that have been said above are a result of the thought process thereof. Anyways disclaimers are inevitable as usual; this piece was written in a completely fun mood and was to just look at things on a lighter note rather than to make a statement or mockery of these highly followed brands. Hope you understood and enjoyed the attempt at subtle humor. Last but not the least, the names that have been taken were incidental and not deliberate to put some brands above or below some other brands,

Today's Favorite Line - "Better to do something imperfectly than to do nothing flawlessly." - Dr. Robert Schuller

Today's Favorite Song -   Aye Khuda (Paatshaala)

In god we believe… But why??

Never seen, felt or known… just heard and nothing else but brainwashed…!!

What if for once I say there is no god?!?! Universe runs on its own.. there is nothing called luck, prayer makes no sense.. what has to happen happens.. what we do or be decides the outcome and nothing else..

We have been cheated all our life just to assume there’s someone watching and creating whatever.. all these miracles that we never understood are no miracles, they just happen because they are bound to. Now don’t ask me who decided that X or Y was bound to happen.. sometimes people do feel miracles happened or god appeared or whatever… its just like a magician fools us by his tricks.. some human is playing the same game and giving all credit to god and indirectly brainwashing us.

What if we stop praying and start believing that there’s no god (are there not atheist in the world? Don’t they have luck? Don’t they live life happily/sadly just like you and me do??).. its all an illusion!! All these days we were fooling ourselves..!! Tough thought but there is still some sense in this piece of nonsense.. why always think conventionally and as taught by others.. world is out there only to cheat u… once u start believing there is god then u need to chose of which religion/caste, what subdivision in tat caste/religion and so on.. its all too complex.. lets just assume there’s nothing called god…

People say there is only one god.. Jesus, Ram, Allah are all one! Then why do different people call them by different names? And pray in different ways? And fight over things like, should there be a temple or a mosque here?? Let me tell you, all this is done by we humans, some human tells us ‘ram is our god’ and we follow ram. Some other day some one else says ‘Jesus is our god’ and we try to find reasons to believe him.. its all stupidity!! Utter nonsense!! If its one super power (god) then why a million names? Or if its multiple super powers.. Who is the biggest one? Who decides? Who over rules the other and why? Does it depend on ones fan following? Or do we need to send some sms to ‘55995’ (or some crappy number) with our option and the one getting the highest number of votes wins and proclaims the throne of being ‘THE GOD’. Its all we humans who have created these brands called ‘Ram’, ‘Allah’, ‘Jesus’ and million other such small and big brands.

Yes agreed all these mega brands were humans some day (even this is something heard and known from people, may be we can accept at least this, no proof required ;) ) and they lived their lives in a really good way, did nice things, sacrificed worldly pleasures, did meditation or other such things. But how did the other humans living along with them or after them come to know or decide that these super humans became god? (did they visit heaven or hell to find out if X or Y is there or not?? Or did these super humans come back from hell or heaven to inform the world that “Yeah!! I am your GOD, pray to me” or what ever) Even they were just another set of humans like you and me. Even you and me do great things in our day to day life and may be what we are doing and did is also great, so will even I be called or known as god, if am able to convince a huge chunk of population that the things I am doing, the powers that I have are extra ordinary.. So will I also be pronounced as god?? (LOL :D, super weird thought :D)

When something good happens or when we succeed we thank god.. we say.. god u ve been so nice to me and so on… we thank him in different ways… why don’t we curse him when we are sad, when things go against us and when the world seems to be against us.. why cant we say ‘god you are a loser, u dint give me something I think I deserved…’( we were never taught to do that by those people who brainwashed us, as that will start affecting that particular god’s brand u see). Am not saying we don’t complain, we do complain, we don’t show the other extreme way of reacting like we do when we are happy and good things happen to us.. why does god always get thanked for the good that happens while when something bad or wrong happens.. people say its your karma u have to face it.. so cant we say its your karma also when something good happens instead of thanking god..?? When its only about the karma.. why all that importance to this illusion called god?? Why do we offer material things to god? (Prasad, flowers and many other things including Vitamin ‘M’) does it mean we are trying to please or bribe that super power when we need something? If the super power is really bothered you’ll get what ever u want/deserve! We do lot of such nonsense, just assuming and presuming what ever some priest says… why wont he ask you to offer such things when he would get a decent ‘Dakshina’ at the end of all that (no offense meant) and many such material benefits (needless to mention)

There’s no incentive or rationale for me to think that there’s someone called ‘GOD’ sitting somewhere there in the blue sky. May be if the so called god can wave to me some day from the sky, ill try and think of ways to convince myself that there is someone sitting there, watching us! But Nah! Wait a minute, in this era of science and technology, where going to moon is a hobby a million people have developed, may be some human will reach the blue blue sky and wave to e from there, am I supposed to take him as god?? Lol in tat case Neil Armstrong and many such others can claim having been god for a while.

This is such a weird thought I can keep on going with arguments endlessly because there is no rationale or scientific evidence to convince me on this!! Am just plain simple confused.. not that I don’t pray (infact I did just before I started writing this piece :D) or am not an atheist, its just that its all weird!!

P.S – I hope this piece of writing is being taken lightly, I still have my senses in place.. thought I could make this one a lil humorous while making my point.. but failed in tat attempt.. still.. its been fun thinking differently for a change.. really helps at times!!

Today’s Favorite Line - I'm gonna try in the future, not to live in the past..

Today’s Favorite Song – You are my only one (Yellowcard)