10 reasons why Kasab shouldn’t be hanged

Recently a top security agency (Indo-Tibetan Border Police (ITBP)) of the country sent a 11 Crore bill to the Maharashtra Government for the security they have provided to the state of Maharashtra and the city of Mumbai in particular as it serves as a domicile for the only caught & kept alive terrorist of the 26/11 attacks. There have been wide ranging debates in the country with regard to the amount of the bill sent by the agency and more importantly on the fact that Ajmal Kasab who inhumanely murdered dozens of civilians and cops, most of which was captured live on CCTV camera’s but still Ajmal Kasab lives a life of dignity and safety right in the heart of the financial capital of the country. Why is Kasab not hanged yet, has been the question doing rounds across social networking sites?

Upon asking this question to fellow social networkers, the tone seemed to change from anger and frustration to hopelessness, pity and mercy and that’s how the following 10 reasons for ‘why kasab shouldn’t be hanged’ have been arrived at.

1. Helps in creating employment – A lot of people felt that, we should all be thankful to Kasab that, in the process of providing security to him, our country is able to generate a lot of employment for its youth (the ones who couldn’t make it even to the IT/BPO industry finally can try their luck here). While countries like the US where unemployment rates have been increasing gradually year over year, and bringing which under control was a huge challenge. US understood this phenomenon long back and started encouraging its youth to join the country’s defense forces and in turn posted them at far off nations in the name of ‘war on terror’ and smartly tackled the unemployment problem to an extent, India seems to be replicating that model to an extent, thanks to Kasab.

2. Pakistani version of Veer Zaara in the making – Ajmal Kasab seems to be the Pakistani version of Shahrukh Khan of Veer Zaara, just like how Shahrukh khan languished in the Pakistani prison in the movie Veer Zaara, Kasab has been used by the Pakistani film industry to play the role of Shahrukh khan in the Pakistani remake. The film is being produced by the ISI and Pakistan government together and India can’t afford to cause a revenue loss to its neighbor Pakistan by hanging kasab, it will lead to huge revenue loss for the Pakistani government. The role of Preity Zinta is being played by the now infamous Veena Malik of the Big Boss fame. Big Boss was just an instrument to get into India officially, but she actually got into Big Boss to be able to complete the shoot for the Pakistani version of Veer Zaara while she was in India

3. Prison Break India – Indian television industry is known to copy the formats of television shows from across the world and present it as an Indian show just like it did with the Indian Idol, X Factor, KBC and many others. This time a very big banner has plans to make Prison Break India, while the setting for the show is perfect as Kasab is locked up and is most likely to get ‘death’ unless either some miracle happens or Prathibha Patil happens to go to her office (only then she would be able to sanction the mercy plea no?). Casting for the Wentworth Miller part is on, since Pakistan has disowned kasab, producers are in discussions with Sunny Deol for the role, so that he can either break out Kasab or get “taarikh pe taarikh” to save kasab. Indian television scene will change forever if this version of Prison Break India hits homes especially with Kasab & Sunny in lead.

4. Finally something for PPP to look forward to – PPP has been one of the low key people in the country despite the fact that PPP could have been the most active and talked about person in the country just like her predecessor. Now since that hasn’t happened through any other diplomatic way, the only way to get PPP have something on her table and to make her to go to office and still make the country sure of her presence and significance, we don’t have any choice but to send the mercy plea of Kasab to her office, as, if the Supreme court orders a death sentence, only President Pratibha Patil(PPP) has a say over and above that. So the only way we have left with us to remind PPP of her position and power, Kasab’s mercy plea has to be delivered to her table.

5. Jail Brands - The Tihar has now become the most high profile prison in the country, as a result of that the Arthur road prison where Kasab has been lodged, has lost its brand value, the only way to still keep it in the top 10, is by keeping Kasab there till we are able to get a high profile prisoner in there. If kasab is hanged, then the Arthur road prison might lose out on the only high profile international celebrity it is host to and its rankings might plummet to an all time low, therefore the only way forward to make sure of a good ranking, is to keep kasab alive and at Arthur Road. So much for ranking. Phew!! (I guess that’s a fairly simple thing, we see IIPM on newspapers everyday!)

6. Savings on Motivational training costs – For the hundreds of prisoners lodged in Arthur road and other prisons of the country, the jail authorities must be conducting a lot of motivational and other behavioral trainings, costing them a fortune. If kasab is kept alive, that itself will be a huge motivation and inspiration for most of the prisoners. Their faith in the Indian judiciary system will also increase. Just by keeping Kasab alive and kicking (Indian judiciaries ass), he will be able to send clear signals to the rest of the prison community that, ‘no matter what you do, you wont get punished, death is out of question, I am in fact being served delicious food, nice clothes and a personal room to myself’, such words of his itself work wonders for the rest of the prison community when they realize that nothing could go wrong for them as nothing went wrong even for such a dreaded terrorist like kasab and the prison authorities directly save a lot of costs on motivational training programs it would otherwise have to conduct.

7. Indian Judiciary’s reputation – Lets say the Indian courts end up giving a verdict on Kasab in the life time of a child born on the ‘26/11 attack day’, then that would act as a major remark on the reputation of the Indian judiciary which is very well known and proud over its, in a century per verdict rate of giving verdicts record. While, only close to a few million cases are pending, a quick verdict for a case of such kind in nature will act as a major black spot on the already black dress and the blind fold of the judiciary. We cannot afford to affect the judiciary’s reputation for the sake of one stupid boy gone out of his mind in a young age case.

8. Best Seller ‘The Kasab Story’ – If Kasab gets to remain in the prison for a few more decades(years), there is a high chance he might decide to pen down his own story which would obviously become a best seller, giving Indians the much anticipated inside story and the gossip. And then we can confer the booker or some other gallantry award to Kasab for his faith in jihad and more importantly for his survival even though there were (are) all the evidences to prove him guilty and hang him immediately. We can’t afford to miss a best seller book and a deserving gallantry award winner. There cannot be anyone who is braver than Kasab currently on the Indian soil! Killing herds of people, getting caught red handed and still living a life of pride, and making the judiciary dance around his statements as and when he likes.

9. India’s ‘humanitarian values’ pride - It gives India an edge over the US in matters of war on terror, India can claim itself as being more considerate in its war on terror approach as it has captured Kasab alive and kept him alive while US couldn't capture Osama alive and had also hanged Saddam unceremoniously. For India to remain at the top in the humanitarian countries list, India has no other choice but to be considerate of kasab, his young age and ignorance, so that it can at least top one of the world lists (India is not top in the corruption list also, its 87^th – surprising!).

10. Dialogue with Pakistan – Now that we have Kasab in an Indian prison, we still are engaging with Pakistan, talking, pissing each other off, snubbing, accusing each other and many other such acts once in a while. If Kasab is hanged, then Pakistan will have nothing to disown and then own in India (except for Kashmir & may be Adnan Sami), so to keep the dialogue with Pakistan on, at various love - hate levels, India needs to keep Kasab alive and talking!

I hope the above 10 reasons are worthy enough for us to be convinced to keep Kasab away from the hanging area, but if you think you aren’t still convinced then take a bonus 11^th reason and that will satisfy your appetite I hope.

11. Hangman Mamu Sigh died on 20^th May 2011 – The only hangman in the country who mustered the courage to come forward and declare that he was ready to hang Kasab any time if the verdict was out, without any remorse or fear, died recently without fulfilling his last living wish. Now that the only hangman who was daring enough to do this is no more, how are we going to hang kasab? Do you think any other qualified hang person in the country has the courage to go ahead and pursue this act? So, now even if the verdict for kasab is death, there is no way we can do it, sigh! Live Kasab Live!

P.S. - The above piece is not in any way trying to validate why Kasab shouldn’t be hanged, but it attempts to bring forward the absurdities around us and how they can be linked to kasab, to still make these silly things, reason enough to let kasab free from death, using simple satire. Sarcasm being a potent tool in this piece, I hope you could feel how an average Indian badly wants kasab to be prosecuted. There is no intent to hurt any individual or community, this is just a satire based look at the world around us. The author has utmost respect for all those individuals or communities mentioned above, of course except for Kasab. The author respects the Honorable Judicial system of India and has utmost faith in the law of the land.

Today’s Favorite Line – "If we did all the things we are capable of doing, we would literally astound ourselves." - Thomas Edison

Today’s Favorite Song – Ishq na karioy kake (Pyar ka panchnama)

The Tihar Times

Special Correspondent                                                                                        Thursday, 05-05-2011

(The content in italics is author’s work, while the rest are parts of different news articles)

Tihar jail complex, a correctional facility at the Tihar village in Delhi, is South Asia's largest prison, with more than 12,000 inmates. An unprecedented number of well-known persons are currently lodged in Tihar, pending trial and forced into a uniformly spartan lifestyle the jail offers its wards.

The list includes former telecom minister A Raja, his right-hand man R K Chandolia, Commonwealth Games chief organizer Suresh Kalmadi, his close associates Lalit Bhanot and V. K.Verma, mega-rich entrepreneurs such as DB Realty's Shahid Balwa and Vinod Goenka, Unitech's Sanjay Chandra, and Reliance Telecom's Gautam Doshi, Surendar Pippara, Hari Nair and several other prominent people.

Lalit Bhanot and V K Verma, both accused in the CWG scams, are seen chatting with R. K. Chandolia quite often but after five more accused in the 2G scam arrived in the jail later, it has become one big group and they all are seen talking to each other in the premises of Ward Number 4 of Jail Number 3 (as Jail Number 2 which has sections from A to G is full with the 2G loot money), the sources added. "Apart from talking to each other, we have not seen them talking to any other prisoner. The new under trials have not made any demands as of now, except for cash counting machines and duplicate note detector “said a jail source.” They all are following the jail schedule. They wake up at 6am, have their breakfast, read newspapers and then chat with each other while counting as much cash as they can per day without talking about the ratio of their shares(they shall settle that outside the courts, to avoid dumping too many cases on the already super fast Indian courts).

Sources say that Mr. Raja, has been the least demanding of prisoners as he’s been busy calculating and figuring out how much money has been stashed with whom  and where. “Inside the jail, no one is a VIP. High-profile prisoners are not given any extra facilities unless ordered by the court (which of course fears Ram Jethmalani, especially after what he did to Karan Thappar),”

There were no juices and nutritional breakfast for five corporate executives and they are having paranthas(with extra cheese of course) in the jail's canteen for breakfast and mess food during lunch and dinner, which comprises daal(makhani with special lasan da tadka), roti(either tandoori or rumali depending on mood), sabzi(navratan kurma and varieties of panner with a portion of malai kofta generally)  and rice(Hyderabadi biryani specially parceled from Hyderabad arrives every day in Raja’s new charter). They have each been lodged in separate 10x15 feet self-contained cells (with toilet and bathroom, of course centrally air conditioned with a high definition LED TV with a Tata Sky connection, ‘isko laga dala toh life jinga lala’) in Jail Number 3. The security of their cells is also higher than for the other prisoners as they are expected to have carried huge sums of cash with them, which they probably did not find time to count earlier.

Now let’s take a look at each of the high profile inmate’s life at Tihar.

Suresh Kalmadi – Mr.Kalmadi being the latest entrant to Tihar has been found observing the Tihar jail very carefully since he has walked in and sources have seen him talking to the long time residents of Tihar. Upon questioning people whom Kalmadi had a tete a tete with, sources found that he was planning on converting Tihar to another games village, so that the Tihar Jail could host the first ever ‘Tihar Sharewealth Games’ (TSG), All the inmates are assured a chance to participate in the games as all participants are expected to get a cash prize of 1 Crore on registration for the event. Upon being asked about the funding for the same, Kalmadi seemed to be quite in control of things indicating a sponsorship deal with the corporate big wigs including DB Realty's Shahid Balwa and Vinod Goenka, Unitech's Sanjay Chandra, and Reliance Telecom's Gautam Doshi being the event sponsors while A.Raja assured to be the Title Sponsor for the mega event.

Lalit Bhanot – On the other hand Mr.Lalit Bhanot the former Secretary General of CWG Delhi 2010 was allotted a dirt-caked cell, a mattress stained with dog paw prints and a sink smeared with the spittle of chewing tobacco. Lalit still seemed to be quite happy with what he got as he thought it was still really a high standard thing in India and he felt privileged to get such nice accommodation especially after his comment on Indian hygiene in September 2010.

A.Raja - A.Raja was seen complaining to the Tihar inmates (some of whom were Dalits) that he was targeted because he was a Dalit and ensured this way that he had some support for him inside this new 2G haven he secured for himself after years of planning and hard work. Some of the inmates seemed to be really happy as they were able to meet one of India’s richest men (quickest) which otherwise would never have been possible. When a close inmate of Raja, pointed to him that, his aide Sadiq Batcha in his note wrote that he blamed nobody for his death, but that he was embarrassed by "raids and media limelight over the 2G spectrum scam." He also wrote that Mr Raja and his wife "are good people." To which Raja seemed to have whispered, “How could I have asked him to write poorly about me, Tell?”

R.K. Chandolia - Former telecom minister A Raja's private secretary RK Chandolia had threatened several Tihar officials to ensure grant of the royal suite of Tihar to Shahid Balwa of   Swan Telecom as he thought it fit to ensure special allocation for his old client as he hadn’t done enough for him for the amount he received from him, so he is still trying to make good for the payment received and convince Balwa that he isn’t a Namak Halal!

As we go for print, a source close to Raja told us that, while the others were a little sad and bored all this while with not much to do at Tihar, A.Raja seemed to be quite excited since a couple of days. Sources close to him confirmed to us that it had to do with Kanimozhi having her trial in the SC. Raja hoped to unite with her again at Tihar, hoping Tihar authorities will provide a separate 2G cell for the couple who have been talked about by the whole nation for quite long.

The source also added that, the first movie Kani and Raja watched together was 7G Rainbow Colony (Hit Tamil Film) and as a result of which they chose the 2G spectrum allocation as an opportunity to  use that as a sign of their togetherness, leading to they taking the 7G worth of share from the allocation and leaving the exchequer poorer. What an idea 2G!!!

© The Tihar Times

Today’s Favorite Line – Poor and Content is Rich and Rich Enough.

Today’s Favorite Song – Tu Salaamat Rahe (Adnan Sami)

It’s complicated and you are over rated!

 The harder I try, the more difficult you seem to me truly,

Oh baby, I am yet to understand you fully.

Trending is what people around you try,

But most of the times you talk high and dry.

I've spent a lot of time with you all this while,

At times you made me smile, at other times it wasn't worth the while.

Your yapping never stops,

As I watch one thing you say, another one pops.

Every now & then I move away, you build up a pile (of chatter),

I am always careful with what (how much) I say to you, as you seem to be fragile.

You seem to attract a lot of people hi – fi,

Otherwise who would never even pass by.

Once I sang for you a jingle, expecting that would make us mingle,

But guess what, you made me feel even more terrible.

When it comes to lying you are not really a quitter,

And to measure your honesty I don't have a meter.

Your sarcasm makes me feel so much better,

But while you are rude, you seem so bitter.

But when you are funny you are far more sweeter,

That's what makes you so complicated my dear TWITTER.

P.S. – These set of lines were just to highlight how a girlfriend and twitter if both looked together seem to have so many similarities in their attitudes and their acts. This piece can be used to explain either of them, no?

Today’s Favorite Line – We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars – Oscar Wilde

Today’s Favorite Song – From this moment (Shania Twain)

The difficulty in being GOD

We humans always tend to ask GOD, why is he so unfair to us all the time, why hasn’t he given us all the things that we wished to have and prayed to him for, and so on, the list goes on. There are some of us who are already grateful to him for what we have and like to thank him for having given us far more than what we deserve.

But have we ever wondered how difficult a job it is to be sitting in the hot seat of ‘The GOD’? He has so many choices for every decision he takes. So many suggestions, requests and recommendations keep pouring in into his office day and night from different corners of the world and he still has to make a decision without being logically wrong, without having to lose his fanfare and more importantly, still providing a point of view that convinces us that his decision was right and the best that could have been pronounced in the given context.

The God has millions of people communicating (praying) with him every moment from different parts of the world asking more or less for the same things and this poor fellow god has to use some random matrix to figure out who out of the current devotee’s should get a wish fulfilled now. For instance at any average moment most of the people who are praying are asking the god for one of these things more often than not.

Happiness (for themselves and their near and dear ones)

Money (or other material things that could be pursued using that money)

Good Health (their own or of some one who isn’t doing well)

Success (last but not the least, be it in terms of business, exams or any other field)

Now the trouble that god is put into in such a situation is by the fact that the population of the world has quadrupled and he has a limited supply of all these things with him at any given point in time. Therefore he uses some complex matrix to figure out how to deal with the current set of prayers and starts by looking at certain basic factors and parameters to take care of the difficult situation.

• He compares and contrasts the level of devotion each of his followers has and based on that he decides who among them would get the desired.
• The next factor that he considers is, who among them has higher patience levels, and so he fulfills the wish of the one whose patience levels are low as he knows the other guys can still persevere.
• He then also considers other factors like, when was the last time he fulfilled a wish of the people in question and so he checks the record books to compare and contrast the details of the wishes fulfilled of the people in consideration.
• Then he looks at the quantum & the kind of wish this time and how eligible is the person to get the desired this time around.
• And then he actually has to refer to his world planner and zoom it to that particular persons position on something like a Google map with a human view, to see, what is that he had actually planned for the person. And then he has to decide whether he would like to change the plan to suit the current prayer of the person or would he still like to continue with the original plan that he had charted out for the person, also depending on other prayers that have connection with the person’s prayer.

This is just a sneak peek into the kind of trouble we humans put god into through our daily prayers and wishes. This is just a partial list of things he has to go through to consider each of our prayers, after also carefully considering the quantum of offerings (bribe in form of nariyals, prasad and cash) we provide every time we pray. That’s why I guess there is a saying in hindi that goes on as “tum ek paisa doge, who das lakh dega” (if you give 1 paise, he will give you ten lakhs) and so we humans pursue the so called donation ritual with or without genuine interest, as this one statement really drives us hard into committing this holy offense (bribery). But what else is the choice that the poor god has, he needs some metric to measure your devotion and reliance on him and this bribery is just one of the small insignificant ways of measuring the same amidst the gigantic difficulties we have put him into, to decide and dictate the course through which every individual has to go through.

If by now, you have understood to an extent, how all your prayers are summing up as a massive problem for god, leading to him, not being able to focus on basic day to day activities and the well being of all the living beings. And how, he instead has to spend so much additional time on attending to all your prayers. And planning to change the course of action if need be depending on the real time data available to him through such prayers and offerings.

Kindly be kind to him and limit your prayers only to very essential things so that you help reducing the ever building pressure on him to perform and you rather let him continue his usual activities for the general welfare of the average living being. So instead of being self centered always and spending all time praying for yourself, seeking all of gods attention, think of rest of the world too, you meany!

P.S – This obviously is in continuation to the periodic god bashing I have been indulging in, looking at things in a rather naïve way and putting them across with certain subtleties which should be taken light heartedly rather than thinking of them as offensive statements or remarks. Most of the things stated above are facts of life, looked at from a different angle all together. Hope, you chuckled at least ones, even if you are furious at me at the end of it!

Today’s Favorite Line – You can't always get what you want. But if you try sometimes, you might find, you get what you need. - Rolling Stones

Today’s Favorite Song – Koi Kahe, Kehta Rahe (Dil Chahta Hai)

With 'Like' to my Dear Friend Facebook

Dear Facebook,

I am feeling a little weird while writing this letter to you, as I could have simply posted on your wall but I rather chose this way to express my gratitude to you for being such a nice friend to me. It’s been quite some time now since we've become friends studying in the same school ''The school for bored & nothing to doers'', you've been the dearest amongst all my friends so far. I've always fell back on you when ever I’ve felt lonely and bored, you've given me your shoulder to rest on and your wall to post on, when ever I needed either of them. In fact since I've met you I don’t think I've spent as much time with all my other friends put together in comparison to the amount of time I've spent with you.

The time spent with you is not dull or boring even for a moment as you provide innumerable ways for me to entertain myself when with you. I hardly used to have a few friends before I met you, but now my friends list keeps growing everyday, I am glad I have more than 300 friends (thanks to you) now and I can get in touch with them as and when I like to, I can also 'like' or comment on what they have to say or do. It’s nice that I get to spend most of my time with my friends while you are around; you always stay back for me. There's something I need to tell you, I think for what I am today in terms of my social life, all the credit goes to you and your networking skills. None of my other friends have had more than 500 friends at any point in their life but you seem to be universes apart from them as you boost the friendship of 500 million people across the globe, also giving me an opportunity to make as many friends as I like to through you.

Your friendship has had such an effect on my life that I even end up spending more time with you than my girlfriend and even most of the time spent with her is when you are around rather than time alone with her. While you are around I can give her all the fake smiley’s which I ideally wouldn't be able to give her while we are together physically or talking on phone, you've made life so better for me my friend. Now I don't even have to buy her expensive stuff every now and then, I can just do that with you through some applications. And you know what, last night I threw a bottle of champagne on her that made her happy and I also got her, her birthday cake with you and we celebrated it with you cos we were miles away and you my friend made this celebration possible that too with me having to spend nothing, absolutely nothing and for a change she did not crib about it. Now my girl friend doesn't get pissed off even if I don't spend too much time being physically present with her, nor does she mind if I am with my other friends, as I am always in touch with her through your mobile version. We are with one another every moment even as I get to enjoy my freedom like before.

One other thing that makes you an out of the league friend is the fact that you are the richest friend I have and I don't believe I will ever be able to make a richer friend than you. And so I request you to be my friend forever and please don't change ever for the worse like our ex classmate Orkut did just after you joined our school and we became friends. Poor fellow couldn't take the pain of seeing all his friends moving away towards you and got an F in the semester exams leading to his restigation from the school due to relative marking system adopted by the school from that year. He used to be a dear friend once up on a time but as time passed he couldn't keep up with us. All the rest of us grew up in age and maturity while he remained as he was, leading to his name being dropped from the school due to lack of performance and a laid back attitude. It’s nice to see that you are not like him, you give your best in everything you do and are always proactive (suggesting friends, adding features and applications) to stay at the top of things.

I overheard someone last week saying that you are worth $50 Billion today; I haven't had rich friends before so I am not sure how to keep you happy but I try my best to remain in your best books, so, I 'like' everything that you post/like, I share everything that you share and I add all the applications that you add, if that counts (all these things I also do to a lot of other friends, to seek attention, if you know what I mean).

Anyways I just had a few requests (points) to make before I close this letter to you, hope you would consider them in your free time.

1. Why don’t you add a ‘dislike’ option for comments and posts? There are a lot of people who do and say dim-witted stuff and they need to know how the rest of us feel!!
2. Isn’t it stupid when someone likes their own status or comment themselves? Why don’t you disable that kind of an option? It will help save a lot of irritation.
3. Like I said I over heard someone saying you are worth $50 billion and I also know that you don’t have a family per say and we your friends are your only family, as we’ve always been there with you and for you. So when and how do you plan to share your fortunes with us? I don’t think we are being greedy, are we? Aren’t we a crucial reason behind your success and popularity? I just happened to calculate and each of us are worth $100 a piece at this moment, my heartfelt thanks in advance, in case you are planning to write us a check some time.
4. Though you are so rich why do you always dress up in just a blue t-shirt(top) and white pyjamas(bottom)? Are you trying to be a simple person like Warren Buffet or something? Why don’t you get yourself something nice to wear? I know you won’t take anything as a gift from us in real.L (not even a template? :D)
5. Last but not the least, why did you choose to share the information of your friends (us) with third parties? Aren’t you supposed to safe guard our privacy and interests? What if your third world (party) friends misuse our private information? We are not happy with this decision of yours my friend, please reconsider the same, we are not interested in your third world friends, it would be a great feat for us even if we can manage a small fraction of your first world friends.

Hope you agree with me on some of the points above, anyways I just wanted to tell you how important a place you have gained in my life and how you are so different from all my other friends, hope you feel the same way about me too. Please write back soon to me and needless to say, don’t forget to post this letter on your wall and ‘Like’ it on mine.

Best Regards,

Loner

Today’s Favorite Line – Don't be content with Average because average is just as close to the bottom as it is to the top.

Today’s Favorite Song – More Than a Friend (Michael Learns to Rock)

The Gods Must Be Crazy

If you were a conscious middle class consumer or if you have attended a marketing course, you would have realized that we in India have more car brands than say tooth paste brands, though the fact is that there are more people in the country who must be using a tooth paste than the number of people who buy/ travel in a car. Now if this fact has come to you as a surprise, then you'll be astonished to realize the fact that we in India have far more number of GOD brands than any other product or commodity brands and obviously so because the customer base is huge, in fact the largest in this category.

Just start counting the number of gods small or big you pray to, on an average on any given day. I won't be surprised even if you come up with a number that's greater than a dozen. The product god is the most carefully studied, researched and delivered product, or is it? The number of brands of this product must be running in hundreds and in fact certain brands have their own extensions and sub categories. Still there is hardly any cannibalization, actually there is no fear of cannibalization as multiple units/ brands can be used at any point in time, so margins might not really get affected much unless and until there is a huge let down by a brand. And in fact every now and then a lot of new brands are being launched in some part of the country or other. Some reach the masses quickly; others take a little time while certain others prefer to remain in their own territory. Starting a new brand is quite easy as no mega budget is required, just a 2 by 2 feet space and a trick or two would do to get started with. Expansions can be taken care of later as per market conditions and demand, and a large land shall be acquired to open a super center just like Wal-Mart does.

A lot of marketing and business gurus must have been boasting about their discovery of the concepts of segmentation and product family and so on, but they have failed to realize that the gods had (I know that the product god is a man made one, still I would like to stick to god being his own creator in this context) already very consciously done their human study and home work. They had already categorized each one amongst themselves as per their advanced market study, for instance they gave Goddess Lakshmi the money market, and Goddess Saraswati the education industry, lord ram the general welfare and so on. If someone really wants to understand and study supply chain management and channel management, they should take this product as a case study. In India there's no other product which enjoys such kind of a reach, they have multiple centers in every street, in fact they are connected from door to door in every home that too without using social media or a 3G network, not even a discount sale ever! Just some freebies on a regular basis do the trick. Their treasury is the wealthiest one in the world, be it recession or inflation they are always secure, they have hedged all their risk and have no down side loss, they have most prompt payment rate as well, their repayment rate is even higher than that of Grameen Bank.

They get paid in billions on a daily basis for the one and only service rendered by them - HOPE. Quite a price to pay for that four lettered service I guess. We are glad to see the product doing so well, as it can be used for various fund raising and research activities. In fact when the whole world is out of business and unemployed, that's when their demand is at its all time high and the bank balance of all these brands touch new highs. And yet god doesn't give a discount during inflationary periods even after earning extra ordinary returns during other times. I guess like all other products even god is always looking at maximizing their EBITDA and PAT.

Product design and Packaging are key elements of any product or brands success apart from its functionality and other attributes. The product ‘God’ has been designed and packed in a really innovative way across brands that each one stands out for its own specific design. For instance Lord Ganesha has been given a designer nose where as Lord Hanumans mouth does the trick for him. In fact most of these gods have various add ons or applications built in with them in terms of a creature or an instrument, like Lord Krishna has his Chakra that he can spin around as and when he likes, while Jesus has been given a designer cross to rest his back on in a stylish way, and certain goddesses have been given the liberty to use animals as their couch. Each of them have their own customized dress code and accessories specially designed using finest material available. I am just wondering, if they had annual awards ceremony, who would they honor in different categories and who would be in the jury?

The gods must have had a real eureka moment when they thought about entering the human market to provide their services, how would they have known this industry would flourish as much as it is doing in India today? They are a big failure in China, as 90% of the Chinese don't have a religion. The gods must have really gotten crazy while trying to create the blue ocean strategy for the world’s second most populous country and you bet, they have been doing a great job so far, it’s the wealthiest industry in the world today and hopefully will remain so for a long long time. Amen

P.S. - Obviously the title has been inspired by the movie. I do look at the concept of God more firmly as a product than anything else, so most of the things that have been said above are a result of the thought process thereof. Anyways disclaimers are inevitable as usual; this piece was written in a completely fun mood and was to just look at things on a lighter note rather than to make a statement or mockery of these highly followed brands. Hope you understood and enjoyed the attempt at subtle humor. Last but not the least, the names that have been taken were incidental and not deliberate to put some brands above or below some other brands,

Today's Favorite Line - "Better to do something imperfectly than to do nothing flawlessly." - Dr. Robert Schuller

Today's Favorite Song -   Aye Khuda (Paatshaala)

The Wall – The Best A Team Can Get

Every home has four walls to protect the people living inside, to give them the feeling of being warm and secure from external environment no matter its summer or winter, calm or chaotic outside. We make sure that our wall is as strong and reliable as possible. But the Indian Cricket Team has been so fortunate, that though it has had a lot of other luxuries, though it has had only one WALL to protect itself, but then they never felt the requirement of anything more as THE WALL that they had made sure, performed the role of more than being a solid structure, by saving the team against all countries and conditions.

Lately there have been long and short battles going on between fans of two camps, ‘The Record Holder Camp’ and ‘The Wall Camp’ and the premise of the battle has more or less been pointless, how can you compare two people who have played two completely different roles in a teams success towards becoming a top team from almost no where. While one’s career has been totally to the team, by the team and for the team and the others has been more of to the record book, by the record book and for the record book, it hardly makes any sense to compare the two. My words might sound supportive towards the wall, but that’s also cos I have been a huge fan of him ever since my childhood, while all the other kids used to admire the short guy with tall records, I felt this lean guy with strength to rescue the team from every calamity was more commendable, not that the short guy never saved the team, but if you look at the lean guy’s record in lieu of corresponding situation of the team on a given match day, you shall realize who gave it all for the country each time.

This debate has primarily popped up just because the Indian media, blatantly ignored the fact that THE WALL of the team has reached a milestone that only two other batsmen in the world have achieved and more importantly it also in the joy of celebrating the records of the little master, forgot the more important aspect of the game, winning/ saving the game, which the little master failed miserably at, though he had some control over the situation. The media frenzy has been totally towards a record that we’ve been waiting for quite some time. Taking individuals over team, where did our post match analysis and cribbing go? As per my knowledge and understanding, on most of the occasions when the little master has played a good knock the team has not won! Take each of his knocks and tabulate it with the match result or situation, and you can judge the result for yourself. What’s the use of hitting a ton, when it can’t make my team win? We won’t see Dr. Manmohan Singh as a nice PM, the moment his government fares badly? (Aren’t we doing this already?)

In order to make a few things clear as to why we respect THE WALL so much, I have compiled a set of pointers (including a few individual records) to show how strong the wall has been and how crucial a role he has played as a team player, rather than being a selfish player( no offense meant). Each of these points below conveys how important his contribution was to the success of the team (not the record books). The following points have been compiled using the Wikipedia page of Rahul Dravid.

He is the first and the only batsman to score a century in all ten Test playing nations (The little master can may be emulate this, but not break this one record!)

Dravid has also been involved in more than 80 century partnerships with 18 different partners and has been involved in 19 century partnerships with Sachin Tendulkar - a world record. (Ever heard? partnerships win you matches, centuries don’t!)

Dravid was top run scorer in the 7th World Cup (1999), scoring 461 runs. He is the only Indian to score two back to back 100's in World Cup's. (He was a contender for Man of the Series award, missed it to Lance Klusner, an all-rounder)

Dravid was involved in two of the largest partnerships in ODIs: a 318-run partnership with Sourav Ganguly, the first pair to combine for a 300-run partnership, and then a 331-run partnership with Sachin Tendulkar, which is the present world record. (Again stood besides these 2 greats of Indian cricket and let them take the lime light in both the occasions, though he was as much a part of the success)

Also, Dravid is the current world record holder for the highest percentage (%) contribution of runs scored in matches won under a single captain, where the captain has won more than 20 Tests. In the 21 Test matches India won under Sourav Ganguly's leadership, Dravid played his part in every single one of those wins, scoring at a record average of 102.84 and piling up an astonishing 2571 runs, with nine hundreds - three of them double-centuries - and ten fifties in 32 innings. He contributed nearly 23% of the total runs scored by India in those 21 matches, which is almost one run out of every four runs the team scored. (I am sure, the little master, could hardly get closer to this, contributing towards teams victory, every time! And we think Sourav Ganguly was a great captain, think of him without THE WALL’s contribution.)

Though primarily a defensive batsman, Dravid has scored 50 not out in 22 balls (Strike Rate-227.27) vs NewZealand in Hydrabad on 15 Nov 2003, second fastest 50 among Indians. Only Ajit Agarkar 67 of 21 balls is faster than Dravid. (Now I heard someone telling me, he is a defensive player. Oh Really?)

After a barren run in Test matches in 2008, Dravid came under increasing media pressure to retire or be dropped. In the Second Test against England in Mohali, he scored 136, putting on a triple-century stand with Gautam Gambhir. (Every player goes through bad patches in his career, but RD responds not by his individual score, but by his contribution to the teams cause. So stop playing god father, let him decide when he wants to retire)

He has been involved in the most century partnerships in Test history – 85, as on 23 Nov 2009. (Now, compare that with the little master’s partnerships, scoring 50 centuries won’t get the team the top slot, staying on in different conditions and making the other player comfortable to play with does!)

Involved in highest partnership made away from home for any wicket for India with vice captain Virender Sehwag of 410 runs vs Pakistan at Lahore in 2006, also, the highest partnership between a captain and the vice captain (Now, that’s a record! Breaking the opposition to pieces)

He is currently 2nd among batsmen who have scored most away runs in Tests (6430 as of April 2009). Only Sachin Tendulkar (7165) has scored more away Test runs. (Obviously the little master is a little ahead, but the difference in the number of innings and years played by both of them is quite significant a reason for the difference.)

He is the fastest batsman in the history of Test cricket to make 9,000 runs. The former Indian captain brought up the landmark in his 176^th innings playing against West Indies in 2006 and broke the earlier record of Brian Lara. (Did someone talk about his consistency?)

Partnering with Tendulkar, has scored more runs than any other pair, excluding opening pairs. They are the 3^rd best in terms of total number of partnership runs scored by a pair in test cricket. (And in majority of these partnerships, his contribution wasn’t acknowledged as much as the media always wanted to talk about the Record Master)

Dravid has faced highest number of deliveries in test cricket, more than Allan Border’s previous record of 27002 deliveries. (Staying there on the crease for the team, saving one side of the wicket when all others fail! If scoring runs is important, in test cricket staying on the crease is even more crucial.)

2nd highest number of fifties in test cricket after Australia's Allan Border (63) and jointly shared with compatriot Sachin Tendulkar (59). (Now, he equals the little master on this record, but again, how many innings of each of them rescued or put the team in a better position? Check!)

Rahul Dravid is the third batsman in the world after compatriot Sachin Tendulkar and Australia's Ricky Ponting to reach the 12000-run milestone in test cricket. (Last but not the least. Personal milestones matter but they don’t make a winner! So we mention it last, no matter whether anyone acknowledges it or not!!)

To conclude, I’d just like to say that, Rahul Wall Dravid is one amongst the BEST TEST PLAYER the World has ever seen. While RD has contributed 20 times towards the teams victory and SRT has contributed 23 times (Courtesy – Mid day Article), look at the ratio of innings played or no. of fifties plus hundreds scored to no. of times it lead to the teams victory and you’ll realize why I put RD above SRT in context of being a better team player, all over the write up. The only reason RD is being compared to SRT is, he is no lesser than SRT if not greater but like I started off, both are a class in themselves, nevertheless team comes over self, always!

P.S – This write up wasn’t intended to compare the two greats, but in the process of compiling facts and thoughts, my mind couldn’t resist answering all those record favoring and ignorant individuals ignoring the security this soldier has given to Indian Cricket for over a decade and a half, always being overshadowed by others and still never expecting acknowledgement. I Salute. I hope this write up would shut a lot of mouths suggesting retirement of RD for ever, its’ his fitness, let him take a call. You Take a Bow!!

Today’s Favorite Line – I'm not offended by what you say. I'm just glad that you're stringing words into sentences now.

Today’s Favorite Song – He could be the one ( Hannah Montana)

In god we believe… But why??

Never seen, felt or known… just heard and nothing else but brainwashed…!!

What if for once I say there is no god?!?! Universe runs on its own.. there is nothing called luck, prayer makes no sense.. what has to happen happens.. what we do or be decides the outcome and nothing else..

We have been cheated all our life just to assume there’s someone watching and creating whatever.. all these miracles that we never understood are no miracles, they just happen because they are bound to. Now don’t ask me who decided that X or Y was bound to happen.. sometimes people do feel miracles happened or god appeared or whatever… its just like a magician fools us by his tricks.. some human is playing the same game and giving all credit to god and indirectly brainwashing us.

What if we stop praying and start believing that there’s no god (are there not atheist in the world? Don’t they have luck? Don’t they live life happily/sadly just like you and me do??).. its all an illusion!! All these days we were fooling ourselves..!! Tough thought but there is still some sense in this piece of nonsense.. why always think conventionally and as taught by others.. world is out there only to cheat u… once u start believing there is god then u need to chose of which religion/caste, what subdivision in tat caste/religion and so on.. its all too complex.. lets just assume there’s nothing called god…

People say there is only one god.. Jesus, Ram, Allah are all one! Then why do different people call them by different names? And pray in different ways? And fight over things like, should there be a temple or a mosque here?? Let me tell you, all this is done by we humans, some human tells us ‘ram is our god’ and we follow ram. Some other day some one else says ‘Jesus is our god’ and we try to find reasons to believe him.. its all stupidity!! Utter nonsense!! If its one super power (god) then why a million names? Or if its multiple super powers.. Who is the biggest one? Who decides? Who over rules the other and why? Does it depend on ones fan following? Or do we need to send some sms to ‘55995’ (or some crappy number) with our option and the one getting the highest number of votes wins and proclaims the throne of being ‘THE GOD’. Its all we humans who have created these brands called ‘Ram’, ‘Allah’, ‘Jesus’ and million other such small and big brands.

Yes agreed all these mega brands were humans some day (even this is something heard and known from people, may be we can accept at least this, no proof required ;) ) and they lived their lives in a really good way, did nice things, sacrificed worldly pleasures, did meditation or other such things. But how did the other humans living along with them or after them come to know or decide that these super humans became god? (did they visit heaven or hell to find out if X or Y is there or not?? Or did these super humans come back from hell or heaven to inform the world that “Yeah!! I am your GOD, pray to me” or what ever) Even they were just another set of humans like you and me. Even you and me do great things in our day to day life and may be what we are doing and did is also great, so will even I be called or known as god, if am able to convince a huge chunk of population that the things I am doing, the powers that I have are extra ordinary.. So will I also be pronounced as god?? (LOL :D, super weird thought :D)

When something good happens or when we succeed we thank god.. we say.. god u ve been so nice to me and so on… we thank him in different ways… why don’t we curse him when we are sad, when things go against us and when the world seems to be against us.. why cant we say ‘god you are a loser, u dint give me something I think I deserved…’( we were never taught to do that by those people who brainwashed us, as that will start affecting that particular god’s brand u see). Am not saying we don’t complain, we do complain, we don’t show the other extreme way of reacting like we do when we are happy and good things happen to us.. why does god always get thanked for the good that happens while when something bad or wrong happens.. people say its your karma u have to face it.. so cant we say its your karma also when something good happens instead of thanking god..?? When its only about the karma.. why all that importance to this illusion called god?? Why do we offer material things to god? (Prasad, flowers and many other things including Vitamin ‘M’) does it mean we are trying to please or bribe that super power when we need something? If the super power is really bothered you’ll get what ever u want/deserve! We do lot of such nonsense, just assuming and presuming what ever some priest says… why wont he ask you to offer such things when he would get a decent ‘Dakshina’ at the end of all that (no offense meant) and many such material benefits (needless to mention)

There’s no incentive or rationale for me to think that there’s someone called ‘GOD’ sitting somewhere there in the blue sky. May be if the so called god can wave to me some day from the sky, ill try and think of ways to convince myself that there is someone sitting there, watching us! But Nah! Wait a minute, in this era of science and technology, where going to moon is a hobby a million people have developed, may be some human will reach the blue blue sky and wave to e from there, am I supposed to take him as god?? Lol in tat case Neil Armstrong and many such others can claim having been god for a while.

This is such a weird thought I can keep on going with arguments endlessly because there is no rationale or scientific evidence to convince me on this!! Am just plain simple confused.. not that I don’t pray (infact I did just before I started writing this piece :D) or am not an atheist, its just that its all weird!!

P.S – I hope this piece of writing is being taken lightly, I still have my senses in place.. thought I could make this one a lil humorous while making my point.. but failed in tat attempt.. still.. its been fun thinking differently for a change.. really helps at times!!

Today’s Favorite Line - I'm gonna try in the future, not to live in the past..

Today’s Favorite Song – You are my only one (Yellowcard)

Friendship as a Commodity

At a stage in life when I have more than two times the number of friends I had just 2 years back. This thought hit my mind on a lazy day when I was just trying to recollect as it is holiday time now, whom all am I supposed to call and say a Hi, whom all am I supposed to meet and know what's up in their life and whom all I am in good contact with now should I give some time and space for a while. During this duration of recollecting names and times we spent, I got this concept of marketing hit on to the other side of my brain.

According to what I have learnt in Marketing, every product has 5 levels in which it can be placed and there are various factors which determine which level the product belongs to (Core benefit level, Generic Level, Expected Level, Augmented Level and Potential Level). Don’t worry I am not going to talk about the concept much, just wanted to lay a platform for the thought that hit my mind.

So to further delve with this thought I just tried to place a few friends in this product level framework and I was clearly able to see how a friend moved from the Core Benefit level to the augmented Level and now is back at the Generic Level. To explain this better I’ll try and share an illustration – Say friend X and I studied together in School and were just classmates for a lot of years where we being friends was at the Core Benefit Level i.e. every other classmate was a friend by default whether I spoke to him or not, so by default every class mate becomes a friend in the system.

Then came times when we shared (X & I) certain things in common, say we used to reach school at the same time or we used to sit adjacent to each other and then we started saying each other hi when we met in the mornings and used to wish each other goodbye when we used to leave for home in the evening. Here we reached the Generic Level where we went beyond the Core Benefit level and we were no more commodities like friends, we had something more than just commodity like treatment in our friendship.

Say after a few weeks since we sat together we started talking each other, sharing each others thoughts and so on, sat together on the lunch table and so on, here we reached the Expected Level where one meets his friends everyday talks to him, tells him what happened last evening and discusses other issues of life but with a pause at times. And then slowly as we remained at the Expected level for a while we reached the final year of school and then we felt we have had great times and so we started sharing more with each other, we went out together, met on weekends, called up each other to know what's up, have I studied or not, cleared doubts, and so on and so forth. This was a stage when there would not be a day when we did not speak or meet up more than once, we used to share secrets both personal and family level. And we were really best friends as one likes to call and this was the time when we reached the augmented level from the expected level.

Then there was this day when school got over, both got into different colleges (we tried a lot to get into the same college, but fate dint allow) and then the really nice friendship existed but the level of interaction slowly started fading away as both got busy into our own college lives and other things. So we started meeting only on weekends or may be call up on weekends if we weren’t able to meet and here we were back at the expected level from the augmented level. And it went on for a while and then the frequency decreased from a week to a month for us to meet or talk. I had my own set of new friends and other things going on in life and same was the case with him.

We still shared a good level of understanding, but then our friendship surely started going to the generic level from the expected level as the frequency decreased even more from a month to several months or may be just certain occasions when we used to meet/ talk. So currently we are at the Generic Level and we cannot go to the Core Benefit level until we actually stop thinking about each other even once in a while. The day when it takes a moment for me to think of this friend, that day he will fall into the Core Benefit level and would be known as “was a friend” types and our friendship will become a commodity as it does with lot many friends whom I even don’t wish on occasions but still they are my friends.

So getting back to my thought I just realized I have so many friends whom I share a really nice rapport with but most of them I am not in touch with at least not frequently. So I was somehow able to clearly see a lot of them in different levels both the new ones and the oldest ones. Few of those might be subjective but to some extent I could see for myself that how certain people sailed from the Core Benefit level to the augmented Level very fast while others were in and around the expected level and how these levels changed in the course of time.

Then I tried to figure out what are the main aspects which determine the increase or decrease of level of my friendship with someone. And it stood out quite clearly that TIME and EFFORT were the key aspects which determined where one stood. The time and effort could be from the other person’s side or from my side but it surely did matter (time and effort can be expended in today’s context in various ways such as calls, chats both on mobile and internet, meeting each other and a few other ways). There are certain people whom I like to spend time with and also extend some effort to keep the rapport on in different ways because I like to be friends with them and at a higher level. There are also people who try to spend some time and effort on me which I may acknowledge or ignore depending on which level I like to have them in. So at the end of the day it depends on both me and the other person that which level do we actually take our friendship to and rest is just the matter of time as the level may rise and fall in the passage of time.

There are also friends who have risen to the augmented level, then fell to the Generic Level and are now back at the Augmented level so this interplay of levels will go on in life but what matters is how important is the relationship to the two of us and how much understanding do we have irrespective of what level of friendship we have in terms of the product level.

So a Big HI to all my friends irrespective of which level you are in, and now you can start wondering which level do u actually think we are in???

Cheers

Yo!!

P.S – I haven’t dealt with the potential level at all because that’s a subjective area, something which is potential may be augmented to someone else and most importantly potential level is always open as once u reach the potential level you indirectly fall to the augmented level as something else becomes potential by then. So generally speaking I feel augmented level is the peak which I could analyze things in as potential level is at any point empty or at least gets empty very soon.

Also this framework can be applied to any relationship, though I just tried it on friendship.

RESERVATION – A NEW PROPOSAL TO THE CITIZENS OF INDIA

When the country and its top bureaucrats are so much fond of doing social justice to a good majority of Indian population. I and a lot of like minded people like me in the country have a proposal to make to such great thought leaders at the top of the country. Thanks to them to have come up with such an excellent idea of dividing the nation in the most innovative way.
Now let me make my propositions for a socially equitable society but mind you I am trying to follow not my own ideology, I am trying to use my brain and the Ideology of great thought leaders of the country who have come up with such a great policy of reservation for OBCs at higher education level. Hats off to them for such ill motivated thought and policy.
Proposal for further reservations for OBCs or any other castes/communities as the government or such great thought leaders seem to be fit and important for.

27% reservation in judiciary as desired by certain sect of people as it was highlighted in the media a couple of days back.
Reason – if education is the birth right of every Indian, even judiciary is something very important, because if they cannot get equal rights in judicial matters they may not be treated properly and they may be behind and it would be unjust to them.(same argument as for the one made for higher education).

27% reservation in all posts (top posts i.e. at the top 2 layers of these organizations) of police, army, military, navy and all such organizations/bodies of government.
Reason – as per certain study or comment a figure of 52% was mentioned to be the approximate population of OBCs, so if that is the case they need fair amount of participation in all such institutions of the country where they are not being given social justice for such a long time since independence.

27% reservation in the parliament and all state assemblies including the municipalities and corporations.
Reason – they need to be given at least this many seats and place in all these bodies, now come on you talk about social justice and if you cannot give them place in the most important bodies of the country then where is justice.

27% reservation in all trains, buses, airlines, ships and any other kind of public transport or utility run by the government.(including the right to walk on the road)
Reason – all the general category people always benefit from all these facilities leaving out OBCs, so let’s do justice to them. We already have so many quotas in all other public transport like railways so adding another will not be a problem. Let’s do it. Even OBCs travel and because of general category people their seat is always waitlisted, so let’s give them this reservation and help them.

27% reservation in all government jobs including schools and hospitals, they need to get their due even in these organizations
Reason – if they can be given reservation to study, then they also need reservation in work if not how will they get employed; it would be injustice to them. Let’s do some social justice and bring them up.

27% reservation in every other thing you can think of, because I can go on and on and on with ideas and more avenues, so I leave it for you to think and make your own proposals keeping in mind social justice and equality.

More over dare not to play with this 27%, it will be the same, even the most respected Supreme Court of India has played safe and not even touched it even by half a percent. So better be careful (no need to mention but just for your memory and confirmation all the above plans will not go against the proposed creamy layer concept as well, so everything is proposed to be done as prescribed and ordered by the Supreme body).

And you must be thinking I have gone mad and that’s why I came up with the above list, now come on be practical and try to follow the ideology of the great souls in the country who have come up with this plan and the souls who have approved it and given an honorable judgment in the same lines. It’s very simple if this is the way to bring social justice in education (mark my words “education” and I don’t mean higher education) then it can also be the way to bring equality and social justice in every other field in the country so lets try and get it implemented, if not you shall have to curse yourself all your life, that you were a part of such social injustice happening.
I am still shocked and surprised that the honorable supreme court of India completely reversed its decision in the course of a year or so and that too with an explanation with which at least I am not satisfied being a citizen. (I know I am no one to be satisfied but I just wanted to say that I am not satisfied, irrespective of whether it makes a difference or not) Now come on guys lets celebrate this great proposal by me and lets work and fight to get it approved and implemented as soon as possible, because after all its about social justice and equality and we must not be late in this front, we have already done a lot of injustice to so many people of the country, and don’t forget we have all those people and institutions behind us for this proposal as well as for the educational reservation thing. (if they supported for reservation in education that too at higher education level, will they not support such a great idea of social justice) JAI HIND

P.S – there is no intention to hurt any individual/caste/religion/organization or supreme body. These are my thoughts and I stand by them and I stand by my sarcasm, because that’s the only thing I am left with every other thing is going to fall under the reservation policy. So Cheers….