The nuisance for Influence

We often tend to be too excited about certain things in life and then when the event occurs, all of a sudden all the excitement goes to cold storage, just because of some silly thing. This is what happened recently, on a scorching Friday. Along with a couple of cousins, I went to the ‘Influence Restaurant’ located at the KNK road for a rather quick lunch buffet (we’ll come to the ‘quick’ part in a bit) as there were just 4 days left for the lunch @ 199/- only offer which had been running for more than a month. A few of us (cousins) had been planning to go for the buffet since ever but every now and then the plans got cancelled due to some reason or the other. In fact, once I went to Influence with a group of friends (instead of cousins, as plans with cousins kept getting cancelled) for the same lunch buffet, but as it had to turn out, one of my cousin had predicted (wished) a bad time there for me (as I wasn’t taking her along), and so it happened, we went there (the group of friends) and figured out that there was no power and the place was as hot as an oven would be after baking for some time. So we chose to leave the place and I got back home, all disappointed and sad that, the offer will get over and I will miss out on an Influence Buffet.

So on this scorching Friday, I and a couple of cousins had finally made reservations to go for the Influence Buffet and so we did. While reserving the table, the manager mentioned ‘Sir, we won’t have power from 1-2pm, it’s the daily power cut time. Would you like to come before or after that time? We are open for buffet from 12-3.30pm’, and so since we had some other work past 2, we decided to go for an early lunch that day and decided to be there by 12.15 or so, so that we still will get 45 solid minutes for the food rampage. But as it had to be, we reached at 12.30 and every minute mattered, we thought we should rather eat fast and leave this place before the power cut, or we will be fried in the heat(they dint seem to have a generator or an inverter). But we started off trying not to hurry up too much, so that we dint spoil the experience, but still eyes were always looking at the clock after every single bite of the delicious but cold starters. The food and the service were overall good, except for the starters which got cold even though the air conditioners were switched on, only after we entered the restaurant.

The thing which really ruined my mood throughout the lunch though was not the fact that the starters were cold ( I dint care as much for that as they still tasted nice), nor the fact that we had to eat fast ( it wasn’t really the case, 45 minutes is sufficient time to eat, when you are not talking as much, we cousins were sure why we were there ;) ), but I got irritated and felt stupid for having been behind this lunch plan for close to a month, because as we were munching on our food, my eyes kept looking at the entry door of the restaurant, as not even a single other customer had walked into the restaurant except for us and that made me feel miserable. How was I supposed to be happy and excited when I realized that, I was the only one behind this lunch buffet, no one else cared about it, to turn up to the restaurant for close to one hour we spent there and to make things worse the waiter mentioned that this is not a limited period offer, the lunch buffet usually costs only this much!

I was so thrilled about this whole 199/- buffet as I was told that the buffet at influence is generally priced at 500/-, so I thought its better to grab the opportunity while it is available now. But after I walked out of the restaurant, I realized that while having the buffet my mind was thinking, ‘what a waste of money, no one around in the restaurant’, and then I comforted myself by the fact that the food was good and it was well worth paying 199/-, but still the fact that I had lunch at a place where no one seemed to have bothered to turn up while I had made advance reservations, made me feel the whole exercise was trivial. That’s how I guess we human beings are, we need to show off, to see people, to be seen by people and what not!

Today’s Favorite Line – "Do what you can, with what you have, where you are." - Theodore Roosevelt

Today’s Favorite Song – Bhaag DK Bose (Delhi Belly)

10 reasons why Kasab shouldn’t be hanged

Recently a top security agency (Indo-Tibetan Border Police (ITBP)) of the country sent a 11 Crore bill to the Maharashtra Government for the security they have provided to the state of Maharashtra and the city of Mumbai in particular as it serves as a domicile for the only caught & kept alive terrorist of the 26/11 attacks. There have been wide ranging debates in the country with regard to the amount of the bill sent by the agency and more importantly on the fact that Ajmal Kasab who inhumanely murdered dozens of civilians and cops, most of which was captured live on CCTV camera’s but still Ajmal Kasab lives a life of dignity and safety right in the heart of the financial capital of the country. Why is Kasab not hanged yet, has been the question doing rounds across social networking sites?

Upon asking this question to fellow social networkers, the tone seemed to change from anger and frustration to hopelessness, pity and mercy and that’s how the following 10 reasons for ‘why kasab shouldn’t be hanged’ have been arrived at.

1. Helps in creating employment – A lot of people felt that, we should all be thankful to Kasab that, in the process of providing security to him, our country is able to generate a lot of employment for its youth (the ones who couldn’t make it even to the IT/BPO industry finally can try their luck here). While countries like the US where unemployment rates have been increasing gradually year over year, and bringing which under control was a huge challenge. US understood this phenomenon long back and started encouraging its youth to join the country’s defense forces and in turn posted them at far off nations in the name of ‘war on terror’ and smartly tackled the unemployment problem to an extent, India seems to be replicating that model to an extent, thanks to Kasab.

2. Pakistani version of Veer Zaara in the making – Ajmal Kasab seems to be the Pakistani version of Shahrukh Khan of Veer Zaara, just like how Shahrukh khan languished in the Pakistani prison in the movie Veer Zaara, Kasab has been used by the Pakistani film industry to play the role of Shahrukh khan in the Pakistani remake. The film is being produced by the ISI and Pakistan government together and India can’t afford to cause a revenue loss to its neighbor Pakistan by hanging kasab, it will lead to huge revenue loss for the Pakistani government. The role of Preity Zinta is being played by the now infamous Veena Malik of the Big Boss fame. Big Boss was just an instrument to get into India officially, but she actually got into Big Boss to be able to complete the shoot for the Pakistani version of Veer Zaara while she was in India

3. Prison Break India – Indian television industry is known to copy the formats of television shows from across the world and present it as an Indian show just like it did with the Indian Idol, X Factor, KBC and many others. This time a very big banner has plans to make Prison Break India, while the setting for the show is perfect as Kasab is locked up and is most likely to get ‘death’ unless either some miracle happens or Prathibha Patil happens to go to her office (only then she would be able to sanction the mercy plea no?). Casting for the Wentworth Miller part is on, since Pakistan has disowned kasab, producers are in discussions with Sunny Deol for the role, so that he can either break out Kasab or get “taarikh pe taarikh” to save kasab. Indian television scene will change forever if this version of Prison Break India hits homes especially with Kasab & Sunny in lead.

4. Finally something for PPP to look forward to – PPP has been one of the low key people in the country despite the fact that PPP could have been the most active and talked about person in the country just like her predecessor. Now since that hasn’t happened through any other diplomatic way, the only way to get PPP have something on her table and to make her to go to office and still make the country sure of her presence and significance, we don’t have any choice but to send the mercy plea of Kasab to her office, as, if the Supreme court orders a death sentence, only President Pratibha Patil(PPP) has a say over and above that. So the only way we have left with us to remind PPP of her position and power, Kasab’s mercy plea has to be delivered to her table.

5. Jail Brands - The Tihar has now become the most high profile prison in the country, as a result of that the Arthur road prison where Kasab has been lodged, has lost its brand value, the only way to still keep it in the top 10, is by keeping Kasab there till we are able to get a high profile prisoner in there. If kasab is hanged, then the Arthur road prison might lose out on the only high profile international celebrity it is host to and its rankings might plummet to an all time low, therefore the only way forward to make sure of a good ranking, is to keep kasab alive and at Arthur Road. So much for ranking. Phew!! (I guess that’s a fairly simple thing, we see IIPM on newspapers everyday!)

6. Savings on Motivational training costs – For the hundreds of prisoners lodged in Arthur road and other prisons of the country, the jail authorities must be conducting a lot of motivational and other behavioral trainings, costing them a fortune. If kasab is kept alive, that itself will be a huge motivation and inspiration for most of the prisoners. Their faith in the Indian judiciary system will also increase. Just by keeping Kasab alive and kicking (Indian judiciaries ass), he will be able to send clear signals to the rest of the prison community that, ‘no matter what you do, you wont get punished, death is out of question, I am in fact being served delicious food, nice clothes and a personal room to myself’, such words of his itself work wonders for the rest of the prison community when they realize that nothing could go wrong for them as nothing went wrong even for such a dreaded terrorist like kasab and the prison authorities directly save a lot of costs on motivational training programs it would otherwise have to conduct.

7. Indian Judiciary’s reputation – Lets say the Indian courts end up giving a verdict on Kasab in the life time of a child born on the ‘26/11 attack day’, then that would act as a major remark on the reputation of the Indian judiciary which is very well known and proud over its, in a century per verdict rate of giving verdicts record. While, only close to a few million cases are pending, a quick verdict for a case of such kind in nature will act as a major black spot on the already black dress and the blind fold of the judiciary. We cannot afford to affect the judiciary’s reputation for the sake of one stupid boy gone out of his mind in a young age case.

8. Best Seller ‘The Kasab Story’ – If Kasab gets to remain in the prison for a few more decades(years), there is a high chance he might decide to pen down his own story which would obviously become a best seller, giving Indians the much anticipated inside story and the gossip. And then we can confer the booker or some other gallantry award to Kasab for his faith in jihad and more importantly for his survival even though there were (are) all the evidences to prove him guilty and hang him immediately. We can’t afford to miss a best seller book and a deserving gallantry award winner. There cannot be anyone who is braver than Kasab currently on the Indian soil! Killing herds of people, getting caught red handed and still living a life of pride, and making the judiciary dance around his statements as and when he likes.

9. India’s ‘humanitarian values’ pride - It gives India an edge over the US in matters of war on terror, India can claim itself as being more considerate in its war on terror approach as it has captured Kasab alive and kept him alive while US couldn't capture Osama alive and had also hanged Saddam unceremoniously. For India to remain at the top in the humanitarian countries list, India has no other choice but to be considerate of kasab, his young age and ignorance, so that it can at least top one of the world lists (India is not top in the corruption list also, its 87^th – surprising!).

10. Dialogue with Pakistan – Now that we have Kasab in an Indian prison, we still are engaging with Pakistan, talking, pissing each other off, snubbing, accusing each other and many other such acts once in a while. If Kasab is hanged, then Pakistan will have nothing to disown and then own in India (except for Kashmir & may be Adnan Sami), so to keep the dialogue with Pakistan on, at various love - hate levels, India needs to keep Kasab alive and talking!

I hope the above 10 reasons are worthy enough for us to be convinced to keep Kasab away from the hanging area, but if you think you aren’t still convinced then take a bonus 11^th reason and that will satisfy your appetite I hope.

11. Hangman Mamu Sigh died on 20^th May 2011 – The only hangman in the country who mustered the courage to come forward and declare that he was ready to hang Kasab any time if the verdict was out, without any remorse or fear, died recently without fulfilling his last living wish. Now that the only hangman who was daring enough to do this is no more, how are we going to hang kasab? Do you think any other qualified hang person in the country has the courage to go ahead and pursue this act? So, now even if the verdict for kasab is death, there is no way we can do it, sigh! Live Kasab Live!

P.S. - The above piece is not in any way trying to validate why Kasab shouldn’t be hanged, but it attempts to bring forward the absurdities around us and how they can be linked to kasab, to still make these silly things, reason enough to let kasab free from death, using simple satire. Sarcasm being a potent tool in this piece, I hope you could feel how an average Indian badly wants kasab to be prosecuted. There is no intent to hurt any individual or community, this is just a satire based look at the world around us. The author has utmost respect for all those individuals or communities mentioned above, of course except for Kasab. The author respects the Honorable Judicial system of India and has utmost faith in the law of the land.

Today’s Favorite Line – "If we did all the things we are capable of doing, we would literally astound ourselves." - Thomas Edison

Today’s Favorite Song – Ishq na karioy kake (Pyar ka panchnama)

The Tihar Times

Special Correspondent                                                                                        Thursday, 05-05-2011

(The content in italics is author’s work, while the rest are parts of different news articles)

Tihar jail complex, a correctional facility at the Tihar village in Delhi, is South Asia's largest prison, with more than 12,000 inmates. An unprecedented number of well-known persons are currently lodged in Tihar, pending trial and forced into a uniformly spartan lifestyle the jail offers its wards.

The list includes former telecom minister A Raja, his right-hand man R K Chandolia, Commonwealth Games chief organizer Suresh Kalmadi, his close associates Lalit Bhanot and V. K.Verma, mega-rich entrepreneurs such as DB Realty's Shahid Balwa and Vinod Goenka, Unitech's Sanjay Chandra, and Reliance Telecom's Gautam Doshi, Surendar Pippara, Hari Nair and several other prominent people.

Lalit Bhanot and V K Verma, both accused in the CWG scams, are seen chatting with R. K. Chandolia quite often but after five more accused in the 2G scam arrived in the jail later, it has become one big group and they all are seen talking to each other in the premises of Ward Number 4 of Jail Number 3 (as Jail Number 2 which has sections from A to G is full with the 2G loot money), the sources added. "Apart from talking to each other, we have not seen them talking to any other prisoner. The new under trials have not made any demands as of now, except for cash counting machines and duplicate note detector “said a jail source.” They all are following the jail schedule. They wake up at 6am, have their breakfast, read newspapers and then chat with each other while counting as much cash as they can per day without talking about the ratio of their shares(they shall settle that outside the courts, to avoid dumping too many cases on the already super fast Indian courts).

Sources say that Mr. Raja, has been the least demanding of prisoners as he’s been busy calculating and figuring out how much money has been stashed with whom  and where. “Inside the jail, no one is a VIP. High-profile prisoners are not given any extra facilities unless ordered by the court (which of course fears Ram Jethmalani, especially after what he did to Karan Thappar),”

There were no juices and nutritional breakfast for five corporate executives and they are having paranthas(with extra cheese of course) in the jail's canteen for breakfast and mess food during lunch and dinner, which comprises daal(makhani with special lasan da tadka), roti(either tandoori or rumali depending on mood), sabzi(navratan kurma and varieties of panner with a portion of malai kofta generally)  and rice(Hyderabadi biryani specially parceled from Hyderabad arrives every day in Raja’s new charter). They have each been lodged in separate 10x15 feet self-contained cells (with toilet and bathroom, of course centrally air conditioned with a high definition LED TV with a Tata Sky connection, ‘isko laga dala toh life jinga lala’) in Jail Number 3. The security of their cells is also higher than for the other prisoners as they are expected to have carried huge sums of cash with them, which they probably did not find time to count earlier.

Now let’s take a look at each of the high profile inmate’s life at Tihar.

Suresh Kalmadi – Mr.Kalmadi being the latest entrant to Tihar has been found observing the Tihar jail very carefully since he has walked in and sources have seen him talking to the long time residents of Tihar. Upon questioning people whom Kalmadi had a tete a tete with, sources found that he was planning on converting Tihar to another games village, so that the Tihar Jail could host the first ever ‘Tihar Sharewealth Games’ (TSG), All the inmates are assured a chance to participate in the games as all participants are expected to get a cash prize of 1 Crore on registration for the event. Upon being asked about the funding for the same, Kalmadi seemed to be quite in control of things indicating a sponsorship deal with the corporate big wigs including DB Realty's Shahid Balwa and Vinod Goenka, Unitech's Sanjay Chandra, and Reliance Telecom's Gautam Doshi being the event sponsors while A.Raja assured to be the Title Sponsor for the mega event.

Lalit Bhanot – On the other hand Mr.Lalit Bhanot the former Secretary General of CWG Delhi 2010 was allotted a dirt-caked cell, a mattress stained with dog paw prints and a sink smeared with the spittle of chewing tobacco. Lalit still seemed to be quite happy with what he got as he thought it was still really a high standard thing in India and he felt privileged to get such nice accommodation especially after his comment on Indian hygiene in September 2010.

A.Raja - A.Raja was seen complaining to the Tihar inmates (some of whom were Dalits) that he was targeted because he was a Dalit and ensured this way that he had some support for him inside this new 2G haven he secured for himself after years of planning and hard work. Some of the inmates seemed to be really happy as they were able to meet one of India’s richest men (quickest) which otherwise would never have been possible. When a close inmate of Raja, pointed to him that, his aide Sadiq Batcha in his note wrote that he blamed nobody for his death, but that he was embarrassed by "raids and media limelight over the 2G spectrum scam." He also wrote that Mr Raja and his wife "are good people." To which Raja seemed to have whispered, “How could I have asked him to write poorly about me, Tell?”

R.K. Chandolia - Former telecom minister A Raja's private secretary RK Chandolia had threatened several Tihar officials to ensure grant of the royal suite of Tihar to Shahid Balwa of   Swan Telecom as he thought it fit to ensure special allocation for his old client as he hadn’t done enough for him for the amount he received from him, so he is still trying to make good for the payment received and convince Balwa that he isn’t a Namak Halal!

As we go for print, a source close to Raja told us that, while the others were a little sad and bored all this while with not much to do at Tihar, A.Raja seemed to be quite excited since a couple of days. Sources close to him confirmed to us that it had to do with Kanimozhi having her trial in the SC. Raja hoped to unite with her again at Tihar, hoping Tihar authorities will provide a separate 2G cell for the couple who have been talked about by the whole nation for quite long.

The source also added that, the first movie Kani and Raja watched together was 7G Rainbow Colony (Hit Tamil Film) and as a result of which they chose the 2G spectrum allocation as an opportunity to  use that as a sign of their togetherness, leading to they taking the 7G worth of share from the allocation and leaving the exchequer poorer. What an idea 2G!!!

© The Tihar Times

Today’s Favorite Line – Poor and Content is Rich and Rich Enough.

Today’s Favorite Song – Tu Salaamat Rahe (Adnan Sami)