It’s complicated and you are over rated!

 The harder I try, the more difficult you seem to me truly,

Oh baby, I am yet to understand you fully.

Trending is what people around you try,

But most of the times you talk high and dry.

I've spent a lot of time with you all this while,

At times you made me smile, at other times it wasn't worth the while.

Your yapping never stops,

As I watch one thing you say, another one pops.

Every now & then I move away, you build up a pile (of chatter),

I am always careful with what (how much) I say to you, as you seem to be fragile.

You seem to attract a lot of people hi – fi,

Otherwise who would never even pass by.

Once I sang for you a jingle, expecting that would make us mingle,

But guess what, you made me feel even more terrible.

When it comes to lying you are not really a quitter,

And to measure your honesty I don't have a meter.

Your sarcasm makes me feel so much better,

But while you are rude, you seem so bitter.

But when you are funny you are far more sweeter,

That's what makes you so complicated my dear TWITTER.

P.S. – These set of lines were just to highlight how a girlfriend and twitter if both looked together seem to have so many similarities in their attitudes and their acts. This piece can be used to explain either of them, no?

Today’s Favorite Line – We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars – Oscar Wilde

Today’s Favorite Song – From this moment (Shania Twain)

The World Cup – IPL Connect

The world cup victory for India has been a great reason for the whole nation to stand up together and cherish the historic moment that came to us after close to 3 decades. All of us alive and kicking can now claim that we now know how it feels to have won a world cup.  Amidst all these happy conversations and celebrations there were a set of, half educated, multi regional friends sitting together a week post the world cup win sipping their cans of Coca Cola (Brrrrrrrrrrrrr…!!) discussing the world cup win and on going IPL -4 and the connection between these two (if at all their could be one). There obviously have been wide ranges of discussions and arguments across the country as to who we won this world cup for? And who has got us to win this world cup? And who deserves the world cup the most in the country? For reasons more than one. This being the back drop of the conversation lets find out what these friends actually got into.

The Jharkhandi – Tum saala log, all shut up a, tum sab bawle ho gaye ke? iph not phor abar Dhoni, do you think abar team boould have played as a team? It ij hiz leadership skhills thate ghot us the borld cup. Donut phorget the captains knock in the phinal.

The Punjab da sher – Oye puttar, chup ho jao oye! If our launda yubraj not playing so well in all the matches, sadi team would have never won! Chak de patthe, nap ke killi, yuvraj ne khela aur le aaya world cup dilli!!!! Burrrraaaaahh!!

The Delhiite – Bakwaas band karo bae, aiyvain kuch bhi speak ae ja rahe ho! If our Sehwag did not give the team great starts and if our gambhir & virat did not take care of the middle order, none of your guys would have mattered. Aakhir toh sabne rashtrapati bhavan hi aana tha na?!

The Bengali – ami kya bolte ae, our Dada was the one who brought the winning spirit in to Indian kirket, and you jhealous people threw him out of the team? Ah! He is the man who still supported the team from the commentary box nay!

The Marathi – Tusa maila, bluddy north Indians salaa, listen up. From Bollywood to Hollywood, from BSE to NYSE, everything big in our country happens either because of or by a maharashtrian, in this case it was done phor Sachin and bhy Sachin. Jai Maharashtra manus!!

The Madrasi – Ennada rascala, our player played so well, he still wasn’t given many chances, you rascallas discriminating with a tammillah for a weird maliyali, we deserved better treatment. In fact this winning squad was chosen by our own tammillah Srikanth only no? he won a world cup himself &  now selected a winning team! Mind it!!

The Maliyali – You see, our sreesanth had paid the coast of being hit bed(read - bad) in the phirst match by not playing in so many maetchess, see he broght luck to the team in the phinal and he bowled well also no? tell no? now what happened? Poor hard warking phello being thargetthed

The Kaanadica – saaru, wait saaru, our dravid and kumble sacrificed their place in the team for the juniors and our mallya spending so much money, he getting deepika every time to watch the match and keep the fellows entertained. Think saaru, thinnnnk!!

The Hyderabadi Nawab – Kya miiyan, kya bolte tume, humara Andhra se koi player world cup mein ich nai khela miiyan, hume kaiko team mein jagaich nahi diye miiyan! We still contributed to the world cup win miiyan, tume aisa nako karo miiyan. Bawa tum world cup humeinich dedo bawa! 

As this conversation went on, each of these friends realized they now had reached a point where they needed to symbolically decide who actually would take home the honors of being called the key to our world cup win. As the arguments given by each of them were interesting, they couldn’t come to a conclusion as to who deserved to hold the world cup for the nation and that’s when these cricket freaks decided that, any how all 15 members of the world cup squad represent one or the other key cities of the country both demographically and in terms of their IPL side. Therefore they decided to dedicate the world cup to the team (city/state) that wins the IPL as each of these world cup winning players play a key role in the sides they play for in the IPL. And that’s the connect, each of the leading contributor to the world cup win is representing or playing a big role in each of the ten IPL teams. Sachin, Sehwag, Gambhir, Dhoni and Yuvraj each of them lead Mumbai, Delhi, Kolkatta, Chennai and Pune respectively, while Virat, Sreesanth, Dravid, Chawla and Ishant represent Banglore, Kochi, Rajasthan, Punjab and Hyderabad respectively fighting to claim the world cup for some city or the other that has contributed great cricketers to the country in the build to this world cup win.

No matter how we Indians try to claim supremacy over the other states or regions, we all inherently know, in the hour of need, we are all one. Especially when we tend to take the game of cricket even more passionately than any other thing in the world, that now our players represent any state in the IPL and not necessarily their own! Our divide is just in the talks, not in the hearts and that’s where cricket connects our country better than anything else, be it the world cup or the IPL!

Today’s Favorite Line – The minute you settle for less than you deserve, is the minute you get less than you settled for.

Today’s Favorite Song – Its You (Ryan Cabrera)

The difficulty in being GOD

We humans always tend to ask GOD, why is he so unfair to us all the time, why hasn’t he given us all the things that we wished to have and prayed to him for, and so on, the list goes on. There are some of us who are already grateful to him for what we have and like to thank him for having given us far more than what we deserve.

But have we ever wondered how difficult a job it is to be sitting in the hot seat of ‘The GOD’? He has so many choices for every decision he takes. So many suggestions, requests and recommendations keep pouring in into his office day and night from different corners of the world and he still has to make a decision without being logically wrong, without having to lose his fanfare and more importantly, still providing a point of view that convinces us that his decision was right and the best that could have been pronounced in the given context.

The God has millions of people communicating (praying) with him every moment from different parts of the world asking more or less for the same things and this poor fellow god has to use some random matrix to figure out who out of the current devotee’s should get a wish fulfilled now. For instance at any average moment most of the people who are praying are asking the god for one of these things more often than not.

Happiness (for themselves and their near and dear ones)

Money (or other material things that could be pursued using that money)

Good Health (their own or of some one who isn’t doing well)

Success (last but not the least, be it in terms of business, exams or any other field)

Now the trouble that god is put into in such a situation is by the fact that the population of the world has quadrupled and he has a limited supply of all these things with him at any given point in time. Therefore he uses some complex matrix to figure out how to deal with the current set of prayers and starts by looking at certain basic factors and parameters to take care of the difficult situation.

• He compares and contrasts the level of devotion each of his followers has and based on that he decides who among them would get the desired.
• The next factor that he considers is, who among them has higher patience levels, and so he fulfills the wish of the one whose patience levels are low as he knows the other guys can still persevere.
• He then also considers other factors like, when was the last time he fulfilled a wish of the people in question and so he checks the record books to compare and contrast the details of the wishes fulfilled of the people in consideration.
• Then he looks at the quantum & the kind of wish this time and how eligible is the person to get the desired this time around.
• And then he actually has to refer to his world planner and zoom it to that particular persons position on something like a Google map with a human view, to see, what is that he had actually planned for the person. And then he has to decide whether he would like to change the plan to suit the current prayer of the person or would he still like to continue with the original plan that he had charted out for the person, also depending on other prayers that have connection with the person’s prayer.

This is just a sneak peek into the kind of trouble we humans put god into through our daily prayers and wishes. This is just a partial list of things he has to go through to consider each of our prayers, after also carefully considering the quantum of offerings (bribe in form of nariyals, prasad and cash) we provide every time we pray. That’s why I guess there is a saying in hindi that goes on as “tum ek paisa doge, who das lakh dega” (if you give 1 paise, he will give you ten lakhs) and so we humans pursue the so called donation ritual with or without genuine interest, as this one statement really drives us hard into committing this holy offense (bribery). But what else is the choice that the poor god has, he needs some metric to measure your devotion and reliance on him and this bribery is just one of the small insignificant ways of measuring the same amidst the gigantic difficulties we have put him into, to decide and dictate the course through which every individual has to go through.

If by now, you have understood to an extent, how all your prayers are summing up as a massive problem for god, leading to him, not being able to focus on basic day to day activities and the well being of all the living beings. And how, he instead has to spend so much additional time on attending to all your prayers. And planning to change the course of action if need be depending on the real time data available to him through such prayers and offerings.

Kindly be kind to him and limit your prayers only to very essential things so that you help reducing the ever building pressure on him to perform and you rather let him continue his usual activities for the general welfare of the average living being. So instead of being self centered always and spending all time praying for yourself, seeking all of gods attention, think of rest of the world too, you meany!

P.S – This obviously is in continuation to the periodic god bashing I have been indulging in, looking at things in a rather naïve way and putting them across with certain subtleties which should be taken light heartedly rather than thinking of them as offensive statements or remarks. Most of the things stated above are facts of life, looked at from a different angle all together. Hope, you chuckled at least ones, even if you are furious at me at the end of it!

Today’s Favorite Line – You can't always get what you want. But if you try sometimes, you might find, you get what you need. - Rolling Stones

Today’s Favorite Song – Koi Kahe, Kehta Rahe (Dil Chahta Hai)

That Awkward Moment

It was a usual tuesday evening, busy roads, annoying honkers, humid outdoors and a city that was as boring as it could get. Ever. He had just reached his training center, on time as always; he trained aspirants to prepare for aptitude tests as a freelance trainer. He had been doing that for close to a year, he was neither a master at what he was doing, nor did he ever plan to/ think of doing it. Still he was doing just fine, not too good but not too bad also. How could he have known that this was not going to be a usual evening?

As he entered the centre and looked around the place he saw a few newly enrolled students sitting in the waiting area. One of them in the group of 3-4 girls sitting in the waiting area seemed like a familiar face, but not sure of when, where and who, He chose to think about it before trying to approach her to clarify or find out if she recognized him. It had been a while and he still wasn't sure, so he entered the class and decided to get to business instead of breaking his head over who the person was and why did she look so familiar while he wasn't able to recollect how he knew her and what her name was. He was very sure he had seen her many many times but not recently, which should have been months or years ago. But when? Where? He wasn't sure, so he started the proceedings of the class. The girl entered the class too, much to his irritation, as her presence would only lead to, him not being able to concentrate on the class. But he dint have a choice, he had to try and control his wandering brain, which finally gave him a fantabulous idea.

He thought 'how about taking an intro of the whole batch?’ that would automatically get him some details about the girl and would probably get him an answer to the nagging questions running in his mind. So he created an excuse to make all of them introduce themselves, though he was interested only in that one girls intro, not that she was pretty, he dint even want to talk to her or something, the only reason he wished to know about her was to be able to get those annoying questions out of his head. He listened to all of their intro's and tried to act as if he really paid attention, but as much as he would have wanted to have that girls intro first he ended up giving her a turn in the end, the wait was making him impatient, and as the wait came to an end and as she uttered her name, every single question he had in his mind was answered, she kept talking about certain other things but he wasn't paying attention, he already had the complete history of the girl's association with him in front of him, his memory slot finally started working, as if the moment a file name is searched, the computer opens all the folders that contain that name, his brain opened all folders that contained her name and he immediately chuckled in amazement and let the remaining class just be while he started talking to the girl to find out if at least she had recognized him, which she obviously did not and so he quickly uttered a few sentences and names to build the connect and there it was 'The Awkward Moment'

The girl was none other than a batch mate of his, with whom he had prepared for the same aptitude test he was now training aspirants on, for the last one year. They were members of a gang of 6 people who used to prepare for the test together for hours, days and months together 6 years ago, helping each other on each others weaknesses to do well in the most coveted management aptitude test. This girl used to help him to understand a lot of things he dint know about along with the others and today he was standing on the other side of the room teaching the same friend some of the things that he in fact learnt from her. Could there be a situation more awkward in life? He had never felt so nervous while taking a class, not even in his first class, but this was different, he kind of stammered, confidence went down to an all time low, the face expression which should have ideally been ecstatic for having found a friend after half a decade became weird. This friend knew how pathetic his knowledge on the subject he was going to teach was!  He wasn't sure what she was thinking or how she would react but his blood stopped flowing, That 'awkward' moment.

Today’s Favorite Line – ‘Once bitten twice shy’ is a lot better than ‘once shy bitten twice’

Today’s Favorite Song – Tune mere jana